“I wonder what’s better: Google, Yahoo or Bing? Wait…I’ll Google it!”
Yesterday I was sent a pretty interesting internet article from Older Charming (and also Handsome) Son. It was titled “41 of Google’s Toughest Interview Questions”. I decided to have fun with it. Although I was required to practice mock interviews in high school and college, I never did. I don’t know how I got out of it.
So I decided that today I would pretend to have a mock interview with Google. I did not work my way thorough all 41 questions but picked the first 25 or so…….
What is your favorite Google product, and how would you improve it?
If by “favorite” you mean the one that I need in order to live, it would be Google search. I Google everything: how-to’s; recipes; definitions; events; directions. I would improve Google by making it a learning platform, not just a search platform. My version of Google would not only offer the search response but also alternatives to teach the material contained in that response, making me smarter and Google, a free university.
If you wanted to bring your dog to work but one of your team members was allergic to dogs what would you do?
Work from home so that I wouldn’t have to stab anyone with an epi-pen for having an allergic reaction while instead enjoying sitting around all day in my underwear.
If ads were removed from YouTube, how would you monetize it?
I’d allow pay-per-view porn.
What do you know about Google?
I know that it has allowed me to lie about topics of which I have no working knowledge by “Google-ing” the topic, cramming facts into my brain then presenting the sham that I am to the world, to either get an “A” in class, get the job or impress drunk and easily impressionable people at parties.
Design an evacuation plan for the building.
If the fire/active-shooter/airplane crashing into the building is over there, run the other way.
Which do you think has more advertising potential in Boston, a flower shop or funeral home?
A funeral home with a flower shop inside.
A coin was flipped 1000 times and there were 560 heads. Do you think the coin is biased?
Yes I do, as is this question, and should be stricken from the record.
What does “being Googley” mean to you?
Looking all one-eyed and cyclopsy like Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc.
Name a prank you would pull on x manager if you were hired.
I’d only show up on payday.
What is your opinion on whether or not individuals should be required to use their official name when opening a gmail or Google + account?
I say go for it, these are some of the funniest official name email addresses I’ve ever seen in my life:
Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) – firstname.lastname@example.org
Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) – email@example.com
Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) – firstname.lastname@example.org
Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada) – email@example.com
Patricia Arty (Stanford University) – firstname.lastname@example.org
Daniel Ying (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) – email@example.com
What would you want to do if you didn’t have to work?
Travel the world as an Ambassador of Good Will, handing out lollipops.
What scares you?
How many ways can you think of to find a needle in a haystack?
One: a really big magnetic sifter.
If you could be remembered for one sentence, what would it be?
Lived happily ever after.
If you could only choose one song to play every time you walked into a room for the rest of your life, what would it be?
The intro music from the X Files
How do you think the digital advertising world will change in the next 3 years?
By using brain washing, mind control and the thought police – wait we already have that. It’s called cookies.
What three things would you change at your work place if you were CEO today?
- I’d have luxury shuttle buses to pick everyone up at home that serve Belgian waffles in the morning and give massages in the afternoon
- I’d create “work, optional” days so you could decide if you were going to work just to hang out with your friends all day or to actually do your job
- I would initiate one company-expensed vacation per year to anywhere in the world
Describe AdWords to a seven-year-old
Let’s play a game: every time you say “pink” I give you a cookie. Every time you say “shit” you get grounded.
You have a grocery delivery service (similar to Amazon Fresh) which delivers food within 24 hours. Estimate how many trucks you need to operate this service
None. Bike messengers with baskets, dude. Way cheaper than trucks. And you could pay them in Cheetos and Mountain Dew. You’re welcome.
How would you explain cloud computing to a 6 year old?
Everything you create is up in the cloud and when you want it, you just get on your magic pony/ipad/notebook/phone to retrieve it. I thought a 6 year old created cloud computing….
Tell me what you think about Google charging users $1/month to use Gmail?
I think Google is going to have a lot of free space where there used to be frequently hacked into gmail accounts that were data rich for the mind-controlling thought police to mine all of our adwords and Google searches which were then used to calculate Boston’s advertising potential.
How many haircuts do you think happen in America every year?
The number of haircuts that happen every year is directly proportional to the amount of people that get haircuts every year.
List six things that make you nervous
- guillotines in the “up” position
- monkeys banging cymbals together
- small children walking big dogs
- creaky doors
- increased airfare prices on the days that I want to travel
- when the last song played at closing time in a club/bar is “gangsta” rap (aka fight music)
Tell me something about you that isn’t on your resume
I live in a basement that I call the “Batcave.”
How would you explain the importance of HTML 5 to Larry Page and then to my grandma.
I’d tell them to Google it.
Tell me a joke.
A year from now, I’m going to be your boss