March 2 If I Died Yesterday

Dang, somebody’s Grandma is gangsta


“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.” Bob Marley, Redemption Song

I like Teal Swan. She is a beautiful hippie chick who kicks knowledge on her webcast. Today I watched a video entitled “How To Live  a Life Worth Living.” Lots of her videos have practices that you can incorporate into your “daily” to achieve the desired result: which is always living the life that you were meant to live. I’ve been watching and listening for about three years and I have yet to actually do one of the lessons/practices. So today was my day to do it!

This particular video walked me through the following scenario: As a young person we (often) learn to deny our own internal guidance system and start following the guidance system of others. We learn what “they” (parents/teachers/friends/spouses/society) want for us, what they think is best. We deny our own internal compass. When we deny our own internal compass we can experience crisis, the purpose of which is always to get us back on our own track. The crisis can and does sometimes bring a person to the brink of death. The near-death experience can be used to change our priorities and live our lives in a way that is best suited for us. This exercise is designed to bring you to the brink of death (in Imagination-land) to get the same breakthrough without actually having to be on death’s door-step. But the truth is, we are always living under the threat of death.

The Practice: Imagine that you died yesterday. Imagine how you died, who was there and how the news was delivered to those who weren’t. Then ask yourself the following questions, the Dead You, not the Living You (use your imagination on this if this is just too way-out for you):

  1. What do I regret the most about my life? Saving money and not blowing every last penny on the things that made me and my loved ones happy.
  2. Who do I most want to say “I love you” to? My twenty-something-year-old self who had a hard way to go and allowed people to make her feel bad, then made herself feel bad when they stopped doing it.
  3. What am I incomplete with or what do I wish I would have gotten complete with before I died? My relationship with my mom.
  4. What was I the most afraid of and if I wouldn’t have been afraid of those things, how would my life have been different? Rejection and learning how to swim, which are kinda the same thing in my mind. I believed that the water would absolutely refuse to keep my body afloat. If I wouldn’t have been afraid of those things, I could have experienced true weightlessness, from all of the heaviness that I chose to carry in my heart and in the water, and had freedom.
  5. Regardless of what my priorities were when I was living, looking back on my life what do I now see was the most important thing in my life? To keep my heart full of kindness and compassion and not allow the bullshit in life to sway me from loving-kindness toward myself and others.
  6. Was there anything that I worried about that in the end did not really matter once I died? Paying my bills on time, having a good credit score , keeping the house clean and being Polly Perfect. Nobody is going to talk about how clean my toilets were when I’m dead…or will they?
  7. Is there anything that I needed to say to someone but didn’t? My Father and My Kid’s Fathers: I forgive you for leaving me. Myself: I forgive me for blaming myself.
  8. Was there a time in my life when I chose something else over love? Would I have made a different choice? I can honestly say that I have never chosen anything over love. I may have been disillusioned by what I thought was love; I may have chased love down and squeezed the life out of it; I may have had too high of hopes for the quantity and quality of love presented, but I ALWAYS chose love.
  9. What am I the most glad I did in my life? What was the best decision I made? I am most glad that at the age of 17, I chose to enlist in the Army. It was that single decision that opened up a world of other choices and decisions that set my life in motion.
  10. What were the top 3 best memories of my life and why were they the best memories?
    1. Trying to smoke ** for the first time when I was about 30. I made it through all of my teen and 20’s without succumbing to peer pressure and when I decided that I wanted to do something, it was because I wanted to do it and it was also ridiculously hilarious and a comedy of errors because that’s just who I am.
    2. Being at home when I was a kid and my Oldest Brother playing his music real loud  with his friends over to the house because my mom wasn’t home. These are great memories because we had a good life and I hear those songs now and remember how happy we were.
    3. All of my memories from the Jefferson Child Care Center. This was the place that I went for after-school care. It could get rough because the kids all had life issues, but I knew without a doubt that my teachers loved and cared about me and wanted the best for me in life. They understood that life was tough and only going to get tougher for us as we grew but they made that time of my life good for me and I’ve always had that as a loving foundation.
  11. What fed my spirit? What did I love doing that I didn’t do enough of? I loved being creative, either making something with my hands, refurbishing something already made, decorating, painting, singing, dancing, playing music, dressing, writing and sharing it with other people. I wish I would have made a life of creating “my” art.
  12. Knowing now that I could have chosen anywhere on earth, where would I have moved to and lived? Everywhere. I would have moved and kept moving for my entire life until I saw everything there was to see and did everything there was to do. No address required.
  13. What will people remember me for? What legacy am I leaving behind? People will remember me as being insatiable; a bit of a stickler; very off-beat; independent and always smiling.
  14. If I could have chosen what legacy I would have liked to have left behind and be remembered for, what would it be? Cue Frank Sinatra: “I Did It My Way”
  15. Now that I am dead looking back at my life, if I could have written a bucket list what would be on that list?
    1. Put more effort into finding someone to share your life with
    2. Be less selfish
    3. Travel the world as an ambassador of good will toward all of mankind
    4. Stop tweezing my eyebrows
    5. Listen
  16. What life that other people lived was I envious of and didn’t give myself permission to go after? Having two parents for my children, getting married or just living together and making it work through the good and the bad. Once I failed a couple of times, I gave up and signed off.
  17. Now that I am dead what advice would I give anyone who is living, especially my children? Do the things that scare you most.
  18. Looking at life now that I am dead, what would I say is the meaning of life? To live passionately and do what makes your heart sing. To learn to live together in harmony with other people, animals and the living, breathing earth. To give without expecting a return on investment. To be unafraid and to create a world where others can be unafraid also.
  19. If I were given one more shot at life, what would I do differently?
    1. quit my job and roam the earth living off of my own karma and dharma
    2. practice yoga more often
    3. meditate longer
    4. speak affirmatively instead of negatively
    5. be less self-critical
    6. understand and live by the power of intention and the law of attraction
    7. be a stoner
    8. give flowers to strangers and make new friends
    9. give friends to strangers and grow more flowers
    10. sleep and eat whenever and whatever
  20. If I were given one more shot at life what do I now have the courage to do that I didn’t have the courage to do before? Believe in myself and my ability to have a loving relationship with someone and to spread that love to the world.



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