“All my life I’ve kept my feelings deep inside, never was a reason to let somebody know. Lover here, lover there. Who cried? Who cared? Foolish pride. Never was a good seat at any of this man’s shows.” Letitgo Prince
Yoga is a doorway. Where that doorway leads, depends on you, and in which direction your life is currently leading. Life on the mat parallels life off of the mat. When I am wobbly on my feet, off-balance and unable to master a pose such as Tree or Dancing Shiva, it is because I lack balance in my every day life. When I am unable to hold my body up in a pose such as plank, I usually find that I am lacking strength or resolve somewhere else. When I can’t grab my feet due to a lack of flexibility, it’s usually because I am also inflexible in another part of my life. You get the picture.
The practice of yoga is so real that you can’t lie. You can’t say you are happy if you are not. You can’t hide. You can’t pretend. What I’m saying to you is, you cannot bullshit the yoga. It will find you out, it will make you deal. You will have to see it, breathe it in and release it out. Whatever your “it” may be. I have a saying: “Give it to the mat.” This means release it out with the breath, ground it down and allow Mother Earth to take it and to give back what I need. Release that which does not serve you and allow that which does to permeate your being. I emotionally wrecked the yoga studio tonight. They are going to need to burn some serious sage and sweet grass up in there, maybe call in a priest. I sobbed my way through an entire hour of Hot Yoga Extreme. Tears, snot, chest hitching, sobbing out loud. I have never in my life bared my soul so publicly and so completely. I can only imagine what the other students were going through watching me. I hope I did not ruin anyone’s evening.
I am truly grief-stricken but have decided to pull out my happy memories…there are many. He was such a big part of my life.