May 3 Real Women Poop

I always poop in a tiara and ball gown, don’t you?

“For $425 you can buy pills containing real gold that make your poop sparkle. How have I lived this long without sparkly poop?” Michael Makai (don’t Google him on your work computer)

No matter how much I love you, I don’t want to smell your sh*t. This is as true a statement as I have ever spoken. It doesn’t get more real than this. Well, thank goodness I don’t have to. And you don’t have to smell mine. Today I made poo-pourri. You may have heard of this. Just whip up a batch of this good-smelling stuff and spray it in the toilet before you float your meatloaf. It creates a smell-proof barrier that traps the crap-patty smells in the water (well, most of the crap-patty smells anyway) and it makes brushing your teeth in the same 10X10 space where the business just went down a lot more do-able.

Here’s how you make it:

  • 4 oz cobalt blue glass spray bottle
  • 10-20 drops of quality essential oil (I use doTERRA because that’s what I have)
  • 2 tablespoons of rubbing alcohol (70% or more isopropyl alcohol)
  • fill the rest of the spray bottle with bottled water
  • couple of drops of liquid castille soap (I use Dr. Bronner’s because I have that laying around too)

Directions for use:

  1. Shake well and spray the poo-pourri into the toilet water BEFORE you make your toilet twinkies.
  2. Drop a wad in the porcelain God.
  3. Inhale the smell of lavender and lemons!

Saving the planet, one deuce at a time. You’re welcome.


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