October 5 Bates Motel

“People think being famous is so glamorous, but half the time you’re in a strange hotel room living out of a suitcase.”  Ja Rule

I just flew in to Minneapolis, got here at 1AM. I booked a flight and hotel on Orbitz ahead of time – DON’T DO THAT. Unless you know the hotel and unless you know the area. This place was creepy. First of all, it was a MOTEL not a HOTEL. The difference being that the doors face out to the parking lot, there is no interior lobby or hallway (that would be a hotel). I believe they call these “inns” now on the internet as a way to re-market shitty motels. OK, that was number one.

There were a lot of white vans in the parking lot and construction workers on their way up to their motel rooms. Far be it for me to be prejudiced against construction workers, I was one for five years. But… I know construction workers who are working away from home and living in motels for weeks or months at a stretch because I did that too for over 6 months in New Jersey. So don’t go judging me because I am being all judgey. That was number two. I really should have left and sorted this out in the morning from another hotel but I went in and plopped down my ID anyway and told the guy I had a reservation because I just wanted to SLEEP.

He gave me the key card to a room and when I opened the door, it looked as if someone was living in there! Clothes on the floor, towels on the bathroom counter, bed a mess! I immediately shut the door in case one of the construction workers who was making his way upstairs belonged to this room. That would have been horrible, if I had been in this man’s room when he walked up. That was number three. I really should have left again at this point, but I went back down and told him that he gave me the key to an either 1). occupied or 2). uncleaned room.

He gave me another key. What’s behind Door Number Two? A scary hotel room, like the kind that you see in abduction and addiction movies. The toilet was backed up when I walked in and the sheer scariness factor of this “clean” room sent me to the front desk immediately to get the hell out of this place before I ended up on the front page of the Minneapolis Star. I got a refund and left.

I went to a very nice hotel room and I stayed in the biggest single suite I have ever been in in my life. The guy at the front desk was named Divine. How divine.

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