December 22 #NationalReGiftingDay

“You can always re-gift love.” Catalina Hurtado

Who knew this was an actual holiday? And why is it before Christmas? My guess is because your office holiday party will be some time before Christmas and you will get those awful coffee mugs with snowflakes or something clever written on them like: “Better Late Than Ugly” or better yet, those vanilla scented candles you love so much that you just can’t wait to share them with the world. I didn’t have any awful mugs or vanilla scented candles to re-gift this year, thank goodness, I despise vanilla scented anything, but I did have several bags o’ candy. Thank you to all who thoughtfully purchased the turtles and chocolate covered thingies. I do love them but if I ate all those bags and boxes of candy…I shudder to think of the math required to compute my newly adjusted waistline.

Candy was the re-gift of 2016 for me and several bags and boxes of them. To those who received the re-gift, please do not think that I don’t love you, because I do. A lot of thought went in to which box of candy to give to you and yours. Seriously. And I wanted to participate in the holiday. Just think about it like that. I couldn’t properly celebrate National Re-Gifting Day, if I didn’t re- gift. Duh!

If you decide to re-gift something, here are (my) guidelines that I would like to share with you.

  1. Take your name tag off of the item before you re-gift it. There is nothing worse than handing your neighbor a gift bag with your name attached to the itsy-bitsy little card on the handle. Yes, check it. I know you think nobody writes on those things but your grandma has an eye for detail. She probably wrote “I Love You, Pop Tart. Merry Christmas. Love Always, Bubbie Noni” on the name tag which will make you look like even more of a jackass for re-gifting Granny’s knitted, leg warmers. Also check the wrapping paper for sticker name tags. They blend in to the wrapping paper, take the time to look.
  2. Make a mental note of the item that you plan to re-gift and who gave it to you. They may ask about it next June. This has happened to me, trust me on this one. It was a lamp. I broke it (on purpose ~ kinda sorta) I didn’t re-gift it. I’m just saying, be prepared to create a make believe life for the item that you plan on never using or ever seeing again once National Re-Gifting Day has passed.
  3. This goes both ways, folks. Be prepared to explain to the receiver the history  of, or the details about, the gift such as “Where did you buy it?” “What is it used for?” “Does it have any special spiritual / ethnic significance?” Don’t let the grateful recipient throw you off of your game! You got this, Champ.
  4. It is best if you re-gift immediately. Do not store the unwanted salt and pepper shakers of two pigs “oinking” or the hideous mermaid knick-knack sculpture for next year’s re-gifting, on the off-chance that you may (gasp!) have the misfortune of accidentally giving the gift back to the original giver. Nope, it’s best to get this done immediately, folks. You may feel guilty or deceitful, but trust me, this is a well-known practice accepted worldwide. It is completely acceptable. If it wasn’t they wouldn’t have a holiday for it. There are no bad holidays in America. I mean we don’t celebrate the complete, hostile, bloody, takeover of a nation of Natives whose villages were burned to the ground, women raped and land pillaged with turkey and pie every November. Come on, that would be ridiculous.
  5. Lastly, in the spirit of giving: re-gift only what you think the recipient may enjoy. Candy is fairly innocuous. Who doesn’t love candy? Just make sure not to give candy to your diabetic Aunt Betty or a bottle of Scotch to your drunk uncle. This advice also goes for self help books and diet kits. It would seem as though this doesn’t really need to be spoken, but you would be surprised what passes for Christmas gifts.

In the off chance that you have chosen to resist the blood sport of extreme consumerism this holiday season, you can always bake. Baking is good. Cookies, cakes, pies, tarts, hell even fruit cake and rice krispies treats say “I love you and thought of you” this holiday season. Is re-gifting baked goods a thing yet?

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